Mabak

Well, to the few who are possibly still watching me or even remember who I am, I'm back - hopefully for the long run! As of this past year I have: graduated with a BA (even though I might be the least qualified), started working (mainly to gain experience), and even moved out for a bit (by the end of this month I am moving back due to reasons). As the past few months have taken a toll on my mentality, I have started thinking about where I started from when it comes to my characters and my own self.

I really need to get back to Ranko - I want to redo her whole base story but keep the important elements there. I want to continue to create her albums as best as I can - I even have a few sketched out on how I want them to look. I even have slight idea on how I want Ranko's story to go. I just need the time and energy to dive back into it like I used to do.

However, before I do any of that, the first thing I need to do is rediscover myself: Madeline.

Yes, I do not go by Fiona anymore nor do I want to. I have tried on various names since I was last active on here.

I love the name Madeline - it is much better than the other names I tried on for my true self and it just clicks. It might feel like an old name to some, I feel like at home with it. However, even though I know I should have been born female, I still have to rediscover that side of me. I haven't been able to explore my true self since the end of high school. All I have had since then is a name and some semblance of a personality. Some days it feels like my true self is floating away and all that is left is some zombie who does what is needed of itself to deal with this life.  I really do not know what to do to help me in this journey. I might have to go back to journaling. I definitely have the resources to do that!

Right now, I feel as if this journal is a bit all over the place - I won't edit much though since I just want to get my ideas down on the page.

Hopefully I will talk more in a couple days or so.

As always,

~ Madeline